If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
