Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Too much gin, very little bucket
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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