plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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