I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
