she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
