When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
