well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
