there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
