So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
