This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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