by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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