You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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