Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
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