Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Randomize
