watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
