I want to walk on stilts...naked
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
