I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
