is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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