he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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