We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize