Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
