So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
