We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
