i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
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