ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
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