I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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