I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Randomize
