so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
