you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
