Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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