Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
