I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
