what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
