loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Who wears a wallet chain?!
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
