I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
