That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
