I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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