Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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