he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
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