The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
