Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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