Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
