she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
It was confusing and full of hummus
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i dont even know how to be here
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
50% drunk capacity currently
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
