Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
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I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
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I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
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