so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
