the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
you will always have a special place in my vag
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
