I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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