I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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