Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
