I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
