i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
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