she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
