I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
