i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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