I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
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