Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
God, you're like boner-b-gone
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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