we're chasing vodka with high fives
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
well you can't waste a boner
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
