he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
