wakey wakey hands off snakey
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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