erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
He is an equal opportunity slut.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
