So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
