If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
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Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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