if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
