I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
