Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
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Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
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Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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