Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
