I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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