butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
