3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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